My struggle with insecurity

Insecurities like to sneak up on me.

They have a way of hiding themselves until the most opportune time…

…then BAY-AM they hit and I’m left in their wake, fighting tears, fighting so many lies about myself and my worth, and left wondering why I even exist.

At first it’s a slight sprinkle, barely noticed, brushed away.

But then it comes like a torrent, prancing around me in a snake-like dance, showering me with words like: “Ugly. Selfish. Unheard. Unseen. Unwanted. Annoying. In the way. Tag along. No fun. Disappointing.“

And that’s just the beginning.

The biggest lies whisper, “You’re not good enough. You never do anything right.”

As I write this, my heart hurts.

Voicing these lies and insecurities brings years and years of hurt and failure and frustration with myself right back to the surface.

But that’s the reason I’m writing this.

Because as these months have gone by, even though I still have a ways to go, those voices of insecurity have slowly been fading into the background.

They no longer have the same hold over me.
It’s all because of Jesus.
He is so powerful and so able to wipe away every tear from our eyes
and to heal us of everything that we don’t even know is there.

I’ve been learning on the Race that most of us have lived with these insecurities for our entire lives.

We just haven’t recognized it – or maybe you have, but you don’t know what to do with it.

Whether it simply comes from that one time in your childhood when you heard someone tell you “you’re not good enough,” for whatever reason that sticks with you for the rest of your life, leaving you later on to wonder why you’ve struggled with this for so long and why you can’t get away from it.

It always starts small, then becomes bigger and bigger, until we’re so insecure about our insecurity that we are too afraid to voice it. Because somewhere deep down inside of us, we know these insecurities are not true. But we’ve lived with them for so long that we don’t know how to live without them.

That’s the beauty of World Race community and the culture of feedback. You start to process things with others around, and through their encouragement and insight, together with the Lord, you begin to realize the roots of so many lies. You have a community of people around you who love who exactly as you are and are willing to fight with you and for you, for however long it takes, to get rid of these things.

That’s taken me to where I am now. I’ve been telling those lies to get away from me in the name of Jesus and go back to hell where they came from, never to return.

It takes time. It takes recognizing the lies as they whisper to you in the moment, and rebuking them in the name of Jesus and declaring His truth over you. It doesn’t matter if you say it out loud or if you just whisper it to yourself.

Knock those lies out in the name of Jesus!
Just DO IT.

I am not a failure.
I am not unworthy.
I DO have a voice.
I AM loved.
My opinion DOES need to be heard.
I AM worthy.
I AM good enough.
I AM wanted.
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING – the King of the universe!

Boom. Done.

satan, get the hell outta here. You have no place here. This is Jesus’ territory. Go to hell where you belong and stay there. You are bound there for all eternity. Your time is UP.

Amen, and praise Jesus for the victory that we have in Him!

 


My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust, the sweetest frame,
but wholly trust in Jesus name.

Christ alone, cornerstone.
Weak made strong, in the Savior’s love.
Through the storm,
He is Lord, Lord of all!!!!

-Hillsong, Cornerstone album


From jesseischens.theworldrace.org

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