Learning from a week of “mommy” duties :)

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It’s funny. I feel like I’m being initiated into the whole “being away from home” scenario that I will experience on The World Race. I’ve experienced it plenty of times before, but this is different because I’m watching my friends’ 2 boys, and not only is it a “new” place, but it’s placing a lot of responsibility on my shoulders! Not that I can’t handle it, but I always get this weird feeling when I’m experiencing something new. It’s kind of a melancholy, wistful feeling – it’s really hard to explain! I’m “homesick” and I’m only a few miles away from my house. I’m staying at my friends’ house, and it’s been really fun to hang out with the boys and just chillax, play video games, watch some Netflix, and make sure they do their homework and don’t eat everything in the house in 1 day. Haha!!! 😛

This is us at Christmas a year ago. These boys are hilarious 🙂
From jesseischens.theworldrace.org
So it’s not the ‘babysitting’ or the ‘playing mom’ or anything like that that’s the problem. It’s not even the staying in a different home, because I’m over to their house all the time, and even though I still have difficulty navigating the cupboards, it’s not really a big deal.
No, I think what I’m feeling has more to do with being away than anything else.
And the reason is because I have The World Race in my future.
I’m anticipating it. I know I’m going to be homesick.
I know I’m going to be out of my element and just plain freaked out.
I know I’m going to have “I don’t want anything to do with this anymore” moments.
I know I’m going to want to sit curled up in a corner and wish to be back home.
But I also know it’s going to be amazing, life-changing, awesome, exhilarating, and just plain cool.
I can’t wait to see how God moves in my life and the lives of every single fellow World Racer on my squad, how He uses us – I can’t wait to experience the Holy Spirit more deeply and live in a culture of constant worship and prayer. It’s something that I’ve desired for a long time.
But it will be different. And it won’t be convenient. It’s going to be hard to maintain my desired appearance, to do my hair the way I want, to wear the exact outfit I want, it’s just plain not going to happen and…
…I’m going to have to get over myself and just trust that how I feel that I look
is not how others perceive me and not at all how God sees me.
Through this “mommy-for-a-week” experience, I’m enjoying getting to know Bradley and Ethan better. Bradley has even recently started calling me his older sister, which I really love and it means a lot. We’re having fun and it’s nice to know that they trust me and are comfortable with me. It’s encouraging and it builds me up!
Me & my “lil bros,” Christmas 2011 🙂
[ Hillary, yes, I did steal this from your computer, tehe, but it’s for a good cause and I love it too much not to post it! 😛 ]
From jesseischens.theworldrace.org
The anticipation of being gone and not being around those I love…that is the real issue here. I think I’m trying really hard to get past it, but I don’t think I really ever will. It’s supposed to be hard. I don’t think it will ever be easy for me, because I’m huge on family…they are my treasure and God has blessed me richly with an incredible family. Sure, we fight, but I don’t know about you, but when you’re homesick, you even miss the fighting! Ha! How silly is that, but it’s the truth!

So. Things I’m realizing.

  • I am fully capable of this. I can do this. The Lord is my strength, and even when I don’t feel it, He is with me and is equipping me.
  • I’m scared of responsibility, but I can do it with Jesus.
  • I’m scared of leading, but my Heavenly Father has promised He’d lead me and speak through me.
  • I’m scared to leave everything I know, yet somehow there’s a thrill because of Jesus and I know with Him that He will sustain me.
I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for bearing with me! Just processing through some of these feelings! Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

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