As I’m walking through this process of “lasts,” it all feels so weird.
- My last week at work.
- My last paycheck.
- My last time eating my favorite meals.
- The last time I’ll see these friends for the next year (in person, because I know I know, there’s always Skype!).
- The last time I’ll have coffee here.
- The last time I do that.
- My last time visiting Duluth and Lake Superior.
- My last church service at RVC.
- The list could go on…
And all of the things that I’m already missing out on because I have other stuff going on that needs to get done. Preparing.
I’ve always been one to feel left out when I’m not with everyone else and doing what they’re doing. God has slowly been working in me, though, because that’s not the best perspective to have. I’m not missing out. He has a different path for me right now. AND those who are my best friends now are NOT going to forget me. It’s one of those irrational fears that I’m sure everyone deals with at one point or another.
Or maybe it’s just me ;-).
But I seriously have struggled with that fear, that I’m leaving and everyone else will go on with their normal lives, and that when I come back, they will be so used to me not being there that they will forget me.
The devil likes to play mind games…and he almost got me on that one.
But he didn’t. I know better, and my friends and family of COURSE have told me better.
And sure, I know…I’ll put it in perspective. It’s NOT forever, I definitely get that.
But it doesn’t make things easier.
My life revolves around my friends and family. I am really going to miss them.
I know I will have a “new” family and community.
I know God will bless this.
I know that once I set foot in the Dominican Republic, that I’m going to get excited.
There’s all of this anxious nervousness and excited-ness that comes with the unknown.
It’s okay to feel this way.
It’s not all sparkles and roses.
Somehow, my excited-ness got a little worn out.
And that might not be what everyone wants to hear.
I’m a missionary. I should be over-the-top gung-ho and excited, right?
Welp…it doesn’t always work perfectly like that.
It’s not a movie. It’s life. And sometimes it throws a few curveballs.
But it’s okay.
Feelings aren’t everything. Expectations aren’t everything.
I am always with you. I am always with you. I am always with you.”
I believe You, Lord.
I trust you, Father.
Thanks for being with me, Holy Spirit.
I have a lot to learn. He has a lot to show me, and my heart has a lot of growing and changing to do. It’s definitely a process. It’s not always easy or awesome or fun. You won’t always be understood fully, and you won’t always be able to process everything as you’re walking in it.
It’s not always easy.
But it’s going to be GOOD.
Life is changing and shifting toward something BIGGER.
Saying yes to Jesus is SO, so, so, so, so absolutely, 100% worth it.