I’m a battlefield

This World Race journey has brought to light one of the worst battles I’ve encountered. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which side is winning.

It’s the battle within myself.
The battle between spirit and flesh.

My flesh cries out for comfort.
I long for rest.
I don’t want to have to do anything.
I am extremely selfish and judgmental.
I look down on others.
I get annoyed.
I get frustrated.
I am lazy.

 

My spirit cries from within me.
“Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control!
I want more of you, God! I want more of you, God!”
I want more, I want more, I want more of you, God!
I long to do more, to be more, to love more, to pray more.
I desire with everything inside of me to hear God’s voice daily.
To love unconditionally.
To pray for healing and see it happen.
To receive more of the Holy Spirit.

But then me, my humanness…it gets in the way.
It gets scared.
It questions.
It doubts.
It gets anxious.

It’s such a battle.
Every. Single. Day.

 

It’s a battle to set aside my earthly desires for the heavenly ones.
It’s a fight to focus on God.
Sometimes my flesh wins, and I find myself unsatisfied at the end of the day, repenting before my King,
asking for forgiveness and for Him to come,
yet again,
and fill me and cleanse me.
I know He’s already forgiven me, yet why do I feel like I constantly need forgiveness?

The devil likes to come in and tell us that we’re not really saved.
One thing he likes to do is convince us that we’re the exception.
That God forgives everyone else but for some reason, not us.

Whoa.
Hold up.
Pause.
Stop.
Don’t listen to satan when he whispers those lies.

Do you want to hear something God told me the other day?

“Take heart. I AM at work in you. I have made you, and you are good.
Your flesh is flawed but your spirit is not.
It takes time for Spirit to break through the flesh barrier
and teach the flesh to coexist with Me, the Spirit inside you.
It’s how you were created to function,
but because you live in a fallen world,
the process, once simple,
 becomes more complicated.
Know that I am at work within you.
Know that you are worthy to receive more
and that I am faithful to give you GOOD gifts
that will glorify Me, enhance your calling
and quicken my Kingdom here on earth.”

Amen.

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.
Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for,
To be overcome by Your presence, Lord!
-Jesus Culture

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